note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We're too hungover to prance.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
