"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
