Dual....:-)
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
love makes seman taste better
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
