I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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