Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
