I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
