Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
