Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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