Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
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casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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