BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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