why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
