his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
