As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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