she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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