I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
