toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Holy sore nipples Batman
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
