i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When did angry sex become our thing?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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