just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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