Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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