can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
