It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Come back. Shots need mouths.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
