Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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