Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
