I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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