his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
