dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
