Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
