i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
