Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
