MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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