Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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