I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
