remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
