the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
