this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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