You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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