Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
