listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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