All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
