Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
