i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
