I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Randomize
