Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
