The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
