Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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