broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
