I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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