My liver just broke up with me...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
that may or may not have been my penis.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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