9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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