Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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