just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
