I CAN MOONWALK!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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