I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
