I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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