I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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