omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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