the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
