i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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