don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
