OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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