...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
