theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Randomize
