May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
