Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
